Grief feelings may even be contradictory, such as love and hate.Grief hurts, so you may be inclined to try to outsmart it by re-partnering prematurely.– Did I believe it was my spouse, not me, who needed to change in order to have a better marriage? – Was I sensitive to my spouse’s needs or mostly concerned about my own? Develop strong boundaries and honor your partner’s need to do the same. Invest in your partner’s growth as you do your own. Learn how to stay simultaneously separated and connected. Develop good conflict resolution skills without forgetting that You and Me are always on the same team (We).By identifying your deficits — as well as your assets — you will be able to modify your interpersonal behaviors and develop your muscles of independence. Learn a New Relationship Model It takes three to create a healthy and enduring partnership: You, Me and We. Your Readiness For Dating In contrast to dating and becoming emotionally involved during the first year, spend time socializing instead.One of the scariest aspects of being a divorcee is the prospect of dating again. Your inclination, therefore, is to want to connect, and perhaps even rush into re-partnering. You should wait about a year before seriously dating anyone.You are no longer a “we” with emotional ties, exclusive commitments and promises. Like it or not, there are three important tasks you must first accomplish before you are ready to successfully enter into another serious relationship. The Grieving Process Where there is attachment and loss, there is grief.
Before you begin to date again you need to have reached the stage of acceptance.Author of the recently released book, “Who Am I Without My Partner?Post-Divorce Healing and Rediscovering Your SELF,” Deborah Hecker, Ph. is a psychotherapist with over 35 years of private practice experience. In addition, she is certified as a psychoanalyst and has extensive training in the following areas: addiction counseling, grief counseling, collaborative practice and mediation. But, the reality remains the same: you are afraid of being without a partner, you are lonely and in pain, and you feel like an outcast.